Eric,
I do not want to be anything more than friends with you. I do not want to be yours or anyone's girl. I know you don't want to "own me" but then you say "even if we were dating you still wouldn't be my girl." which makes it sound like you didn't hear what i just said. You say that i am my own worst enemy because i sit with my thoughts and they turn into fears and regrets. This is not true. You are my own worst enemy, because i have set my boundaries and you continue to push them, mold them, or form them into what you think they should be.
Also! from you i need honesty!! You told me that you didn't want intimacy with me, and that even if i tried to kiss you you wouldn't let me because your not ready for that either... then you kissed me a couple days later!
I told you not to kiss me because i didn't want you to get sick, but you said "i never get sick" then kissed me anyway. then today on the phone you said you were afraid you might get sick because your roommate was sick.
You said that you didn't have any needs or expectations, and that desire is the cause of human suffering...
then you tell me that all you want is a friend who can come over and watch a movie with you,
that what we have could be AMAZING if i would just let it.
that you are planning a full day for us that is gonna be so much fun, so when am i free?
guess what? what I have is amazing all by itself, all by myself. Also, the day you are planning includes an expectation that i will partake in those plans. The idea of having someone to watch a movie with is a desire, because i know that you and steph watch movies together.
and this whole concept that if i would just let my guard down things could be amazing?
what am i supposed to do?
lay limp while you kiss me?
stay silent while you plan our time together?
listen passively while you tell me that your mom didn't like your dad when they first met?
while you tell me that you have friends who are getting together fresh out of breaking up with their exes?
while you make a case-in-point for why it makes perfect sense why we should be together?
I FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE NO RESPECT, CONSIDERATION, OR MAYBE ARE JUST COMPLETELY BLIND TO WHAT I WANT. i need to make this clear once and for all. i don't want a relationship with you. i am not attracted to you. i can't be for you what you want me to be.
